Have a great Mother's Day
- olinfregia
- 3 days ago
- 6 min read
This video is an expression of what a mother means to me.
Will the real mother, please stand up.
(so we can salute you)?
Today is Mother’s Day—the day we recognize mothers who come in all kinds of names, shapes, form and figures: Madear, “Big Mama”, mothers-in laws, sisters—whoever you recognize with those “motherly” qualities who make you feel like none other, people who Maya Angelo describes as, “people who you may forget their names, but you never forget how they make you feel.” I hope you do a better job honoring her than this family I heard about. They had a big dinner and afterward mom started to clean up. The father said to her, "Don't bother with those dishes, dear. Today is Mother's Day, you can always do them tomorrow.”
That’s no way treat those who are unforgettable mothers like 85-year-old Thalia Thornton, the new Jersey foster mother who has cared for 700 children in her 50 as an emergency mom. She certainly remembers her unforgettable kids like Quimeesha Alexander who had spina bifida. “She couldn’t urinate, couldn’t move her bowels and it was a lot of work, but I enjoyed taking care of her.”
Real moms find an exceptional joy in caring for kids like Mrs. Thornton unforgettable joy. Joy for children, not every mother shows themselves motherly. They make the claim, in name, but not indeed. How can you tell the real mother? Some “mothers worthy of honor” are easy to identify. Just go to their Facebook page and watch the faces of the children like Natasha Bynum and Angelina Bynum. Joy is on every face.
Just look at those smiles over the course of years since they were adopted as Russian orphans by moms, Janice and Theresa… through early years, to scary years, birthdays, vacations and graduations.
There is no doubt some mothers show themselves motherly.
Then, there are “moms” who are harder to identify. That was the challenge of the man considered wisest man who ever lived—King Solomon. His wisdom was tested when he had to decide who was the real mother in 1st Kings 3:16-27. 1st King 3:16-27 is our Mother’s Day card today. We will see what “a real mother may not be” and what “a real mother must be” to be called “Big Momma. Will the real mother please stand up?
First, the real mother that qualifies to be called “Big Momma” may not fit the world’s perception of a model mom. The backdrop story is this: Two women came to King Solomon, both claiming to be the real mother of one child after one of their two children was found dead. Only one is the real mother of this living child. These two mothers did not fit the hat model. Look at verse 16.
“…The two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him.
They both were practitioners of the oldest profession.
The point is: Not every mother will fit the Harriet of Ozzie and Harriet; or the June Cleaver of Leave It to Beaver. These two were prostitutes. Let me remind, so was Rahab of Jericho who helped them Israelite win their first victory in the promise land. She was also in the family lineage of Jesus in Matthew 1. That is not a promotion of prostitution, but rather, a statement of reality that sometimes life puts you in a position of “rock and a hard place” choices. No option is a no option. So, before you judge, put yourself in the Matthew 7:2 paradigm of judgment that call you to “judge others by the same standard you want to be judged.” If truth be told, we all have made the best choice we could e time, but it didn’t fit the world’s standard. You might not have fit the world’s model of motherhood. But that doesn’t mean you are disqualified from having qualities that should be recognized and emulated.
The real mother may also not be in a traditional, ideal family model. Necessity required a communal living arrangement. Look at verse 17:
“…this woman and I live in the same house.”
Both women lived together. Perhaps it was out of necessary to make ends meet. We don’t know. Many mothers live in group homes, public housing, have had stints in homeless shelters, or living in non-traditional single family living arrangements. Single parent families represent 30% of U.S. households. Where and how you live do not determine what kind of mother you are. In fact, the “un-ideal” may be greater commentary on the ideal qualities of resilience, resolve and resourcefulness when it comes to motherhood. It takes a “Big Momma” to survive bad situations.
So, a real mother may not be what we think she should be. She may not have the best career or living arrangement. You may not fit into the world’s model either. But misfit does not mean unfit. So, what does qualify momma to be called “Big Momma?
The real mother that qualifies to be called “Big Momma” must have some qualities that distinguish her as the one who blesses her children and gives them a chance for a life. The real mother knows her children according to verse 21:
“But when I examined him carefully in the morning, I realized it was not my baby.”
The real knows her child: their cries, their weakness; their hurts, scares, talents and their individuality. And this kind of familiarity can only come with time spent with their child. Absentee mothers, career driven mothers who spend more time in the climbing the corporate ladder than changing diapers may miss the window of opportunity when bonding is more important board room. This is not to say that career-ability has to be off the table. But imprinting and making impressions on your children is as powerful as career promotions because “the hand that “rocks the cradle, rules the world.”
These two women were with their babies. One of them had come to know their child.
Real mothers are also willing to speak up for her child when their child is at risk. When the wise king sought to solve this dilemma of “who’s the real mother” by threatening to cut the baby in half with a sword, the real mother’s instincts took over. Look at verse 26a
The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king... 26a
Real mothers speak up out of the instinct of love. They speak up at school board meetings when school policy is about politics rather than promoting the potential of the child like the mother went to bat for her son’s right to wear dreads. Real mothers filled with love of their children go to parent-teacher conferences when their children’s gender is under attack. Compassionate mothers also speak up when their “little angel” doesn’t act so angelic. “Big Mama” gets in their child’s ear to drown out the world who wants an audience pitching guns, gangs and drug. Real mothers, out of love, ask the necessary questions: “Where you going? Who will you be with? When will you been home? A silent mom, a lenient mom will have to pay for their silence when it was time to speak up.
Risky times are speak-up time. No time to think. No time to call a counselor. No time to ask “Little Johnny what he wants to do”. I saw a blue jay giving a squirrel holy hell because he got to close to her nest. That is instinct in momma bird is in big mommas.
Finally, the real mother is willing to make the toughest sacrifices for her child to live. Look at verse 26b:
“Give her the baby, it that will secure that the baby lives.
Big Momma is the one that is willing to make the big sacrifice so her children make it. She is willing to forgo a promotion, to promo her children. She is willing to take an extra job, so her child can have an extra class tutor. Big Momma is willing to, even jump out of a burning house or jump under a car to save their children. That is the real mom, big momma.
The result of her willingness to “give up her child” to save her child was all wise King Solomon needed to determine who was the real mother. She received her baby alive and well.
Moses’s mother, Jochebed, received her son back because she was willing to cast him down the Nile in a basket into the hands of God. Moses became the Prince of Egypt, the Leader of an exodus, the giver of the Law.
Imagine the sacrifices Thalia Thornton made in foster-parenting 700 children. Even more so, calculate the return of her investment in the lives she touched as a Big Mama. The cradles she rocked now rock the world in ways we will never know.
Imagine the sacrifices Janice and Theresa have sown into of the lives of Natasha Angelina. As a church, you have hand in mothering these two as well. And you are first-hand witnesses of its benefits. One is now a nurse who knows the touch of a mother, and will bless the health and healing of many for years to come. And who know what God will do with the one child who of few words, but great creative talent.
We all have the capacity to be mothers, to defy stereotypes, to know children, to speak up for them in love and sacrifice, whatever the costs, to save a life and bless it as well.
As Maya Angelo said, “They may not remember your name, but they will never forget how you make them feel. Go be a “Big Mama”.
Happy Mother’s Day.
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